No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
