so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
