You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
