This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
