Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
