Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
