dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
