there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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