i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
try to milk me bitch
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
