No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
