I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You pole danced in your parka.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
