two words: eviction party
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
