so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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