My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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