For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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