do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
