I CAN MOONWALK!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
