he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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