you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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