so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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