Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
