They should really pass out barf bags in church
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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