No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
