I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
