i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
