im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
