I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
