Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
