I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
