We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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