The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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