We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
