would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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