Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
