The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
