I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
