Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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