I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
