I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
