Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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