two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
