Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
