Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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