Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
