It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
