Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
