Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
