you're like a bully in the Christmas story
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
