I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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