these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
