At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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