I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
